::WARNING:: This post may content extreme language and venting, and is suitable only for mature audiences
Okay, so remember that older black lady that I talked about a couple posts back. Well now that I've gotten the chance to get to know her I can honestly say, I can't stand her. She encompasses all the personality traits I hate and displays them constantly. For example, I can't stand people who jump the gun and get angry when they haven't thoroughly read through all the information or simply were not listening. She does this all the time. She went off on the sweet little Asian girl in our program because she didn't read through a marketing pamphlet. Her program was in there, it just was mistakingly not in bold type. Did she apologize? NO. She does this all the time.
She also repeatedly asks questions to things she would have gotten the information to if she would've been listening. Then she randomly interjects anecdotes that slow your meeting down. Do we care that your doctors were treating symptoms because they couldn't properly diagnose the cause of the lump in your left leg? NO.
Ehhh, I just can't stand everything about her. But, all these things I ignore, usually. The two biggest things that have separated us from ever being friends or more than business/hi and bye is the way she talked about her daughters and the resentment she feels towards me for not being her perfect understudy.
Now, it may sound ridiculous to you that I even care how she talks about her daughters, but I assure you that it is related to the understudy part. We were in class the other day and she randomly said " I was such a better mother than my daughters, they just don't have the patience that I had with them", those exact words. They have really stuck with me too. I'm soo similar to my mom, and she and I know that some of my behavior is a direct reflection on what she has done. I'm her looking glass self. My parenting skills will also be learned from what she has modeled. The way I interact with my god children is proof that I can see even now, before I've had kids of my own. Her disassociation with her behavior and their parenting skills shows me that she doesn't like to take the least little bit of responsibility for her actions. I mean really, where do you think they got it from, and if that is the case, why aren't you helping them. What is you all's relationship really like?
So, how this relates to us, I think that because of the situation with her daughters, and the generally accepted fact that where black folks are scarce, we must entwine. She resents the fact that I haven't come to her and offered myself as a mentee or to use the word I used before, understudy. I've been doing what I've been told, and putting my own spin on it. The committee that I'm on is also hers, but I think that it needs work of the organizational sort, which I've been doing on my own and presenting at meetings. I've been getting positive feedback from my superiors but she seems to question everything and always adds what she normally has done or what I missed.
But, alas, there is a lesson. I really have learned to deal with really different personalities working in this environment and I admit sometimes I daydream about backhanding her across the face and straightening her teeth out, but I assure that I have resisted all urges and I doubt this will ever happen. :)
Thanks for listening blog :)