Monday, October 25, 2010

Poker Rules

First, I don't think I'm your typical girl when it comes to dating. It may seem at odds to be both a feminist and traditional, but I think I'm a hybrid of the two, and everyone loves a hybrid nowadays (I think hybrid cars and women cost less, but hey, just my opinion). The reason for this post is a discussion that I had with about 6 other graduate students, most in serious relationships, some single, and one married. They all had interesting opinions and I feel like I need to continue the conversation, not just to get some things off my chest but to open it up for discussion. The twist to this is, I’m not just gonna give all the things I like in a man, what I have to offer, or any of that. I’m gonna tell you all the bad things about me and why it wouldn’t work. First rule of dating and poker is not not show your hand, but I'm throwing that out and laying my cards out on the table.

So here it is folks, reason’s not to date me.

Number One: I hold grudges
            There’s a saying I hold near and dear to my heart “Forgive, but don’t ever forget that shit”. And, I don’t. Granted, I’m not the type of girl who throws up every little thing that her man did wrong when we get into an argument. I truly believe that if you want to keep your relationship strong you have to fight fair. As much as men don’t want to believe or admit, they have fragile egos and if you keep bringing up his personality traits in an argument it builds resentment and that’s one thing that’s hard, if not impossible to get rid of. But, trust, I’m logging all those sly disrespectful remarks, those suspect comments on your face book from women, and anything else that rubs me the wrong way. If enough of that ish happens, you gotta go.
Number Two: I don’t give many chances
            Honestly, I probably could count on two hands the number of people who I’ve cut from my life. It’s probably more than 10. I think that some people are only meant for a season, and I’m okay with that being you. Some people see this as callus, and in some ways it is. It’s one of the things I struggle with, and my mentality about it is this. I’m too young to be fussing and fighting with someone who I have no concrete (kids, credit, mortgages, etc) ties with, it just doesn’t make sense to me. The problem with this is that everyone has flaws, so when do you stay or go? My first inclination and what I’ve done in the past is to go, but it’s not really fair, and I might have missed out on something great because I’m trigger happy. I want to kill it at the first signs of trouble.
*bonus.. I get over men quickly, if I feel you're not really interested or we're not progressing I start moving on in my head. I feel like if you're really on it and it's important you would be trying to make moves.

Number Three: I’m genuinely mean, and I really think this is the calling God has placed on my life.
            What happens with this is I’m funny mean. So in the beginning the guy thinks it’s great and he’s kee keeing and laughing and it’s all jokes and giggles. That shit gets old. Me being my ornery, #sideeye, wtf face self is no longer cute, and he just sees me being as being an asshole. It might even get accidently directed towards him, and that’s no fun.

Number Four: I’m Nosy
            Call it a family trait, but honestly if something makes me suspicious I’m going to investigate. Plus, I like to feel like I’m the only woman you’re interested in. I don’t think any woman wants to feel like she’s part of a team, even if deep down she knows she is. So if you’re serious about starting something, and you’re talking to other people, at least try to hide that shit. Sheesh.

Number Five: I’m proud
            Sometimes it’s seriously hard for me to be feminine. I lean towards trying to be independent, even though I know we need each other. Some things your man wants to feel like, only he can do for you, and you need him for, you know manly things. He wants to be a helper. I don’t think about giving opportunities to let him do that. I think it’s a problem a lot of women in my generation have.

Number Six: I’m too honest.
            I got a twitter to control my word vomit. I have a tendency to say what I’m thinking, as I’m thinking it. Like I said before, sometimes this can be funny. Other times it’s not. I’m still working on being tactful.

Number Seven: I completely miss I’m interested queues
            I feel like I find out people like me after they’ve gotten over it. Unless you’re completely blunt about it, I probably don’t know you like me. Sometimes I’ll talk to my friends about a conversation I’ve had with a man, and they’re like. Why did u say that? He clearly was trying to flirt. Whoops missed that. I also miss relationship queues too. I notice everything else, but these I just seem to not get.

Number Eight: I Just Can't Be the Same Girl Everyday
           I'm not gonna wear make-up everyday. I'm not gonna be peachy all day everyday. Some days you're gonna feel like, "what am I here for?" I think that's par for the course with me. I think relationships are hard for me because I'm not the type of person that needs contact everyday, and there are a lot of times I just wanna be alone. It's hard when you're responsible for giving someone continuous love.

Number Nine: I'm both needy and distant
      I think sometimes I'm leaning on my significant other for emotional support a lot. It may be stress, life changes, etc. Then other times, I'm non-committal, can't find time, whatever. Sometimes you'll think something's wrong, but it just depends on the day.

Number Ten: I'm not emotional
        Men, will read and rejoice. Who wants a crier? Ehhh. I think that people judge their relationship partly on emotional attachment. If I'm not emoting, it can be perceived I'm not in to the relationship, when that's totally not the case.

I’m sure there are a whole bunch more, lol.


“I’m not perfect, but work with the kid”- Angela Simmons

Happy Dating!

Steph

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