Monday, July 28, 2014

Shambles.

Ahhhhh!!!! I used to hide out in this place. I used to stick my emotions in this blog. Now I don't know where I tuck them, but they're coming out from every, the walls, in between the seats of my car, everywhere. They're everywhere.

So here I am, writing.

Young adulthood is the worst.

I never felt like I had infinite time to be exactly who I wanted to be. I never was that naive, or maybe I am, because I see examples of times where people have fulfilled the childhood dream. But it's never like doing it when you're young, right?  Maybe it's better later in the cusp of wisdom, the appreciation is deeper.

I'm having a hard time, which happens intermittently. There is a moment in young adult hood, while even in the midst, on the edge of fulfilling your dreams, your life is in a constant state of shambles, and nothing is for sure. It's the change in thinking: I'm on track to live my dreams and everything I do now will effect how I live the rest of my life. Do I know how I want to live it? It's no longer, who am I? I know who I am. I'm comfortable with her. How do I want to live as myself?

People ignore the question, do I know how I want to live my life, and it's SO important. It's the question that answers, do I want to live my dreams or do I want to eat? Can I take a pay cut? What is covered by my insurance? Do I want to get married? What happens if I let him in? Should I move to another state? Country?

The question has smacked me in the face, and there are no easy answers, so I write.


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