Thursday, December 2, 2010

Late Nite Cravings

No, this isn't about that new Raheem Devaughn video...even though I enjoyed that.

It's 2:19 a.m. and I was thinking about why the guy I liked isn't a good man..yes he has all the critera: Christian, tall, brown, funny, great smile, college educated..blah blah blah. Still not a good man.

Let me back up on how I got to thinking about all this..first I went over my co-workers house for Napalese tea..delish. I met her mom and she asked was I married, I said no, and she said why not? You're so beautiful. *blank face*

Then I started thinking about all my prospects and why each of them didn't work for a long run type love.

Then I started thinking about other things that don't work even though superficially they do...

So, just because

Just because you're gainfully employed, don't beat your wife, and take care of your kids..doesn't mean your a good husband

Just because you know someone a long time doesn't mean you have history...some relationships are uneventful and not worth documenting

Just because you have a house doesn't mean you've lived in it

Just because you talk doesn't mean you have something to say

Just because someone is in vision doesn't mean you see them

Just because you have an occupation doesn't mean you work

Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you're a man

Just because I like you, doesn't mean I'll stay

Just because you graduated, doesn't mean you learned

Just because you said it, doesn't mean you should've

Just because it feels good, doesn't mean it's pleasurable

Random thought interjection:

I've changed. I used to not be known for my thoughts, just who my major friend was at the time. I can name these girls

1) Michelle...my frienemie
2) Brandiex
3) Z

I was known as their friend, but after a long hard process of self-actualization my thoughts delineated from where our friendships were and our common ground. I feel like I outgrew them all, and that is not to say that they are better or worse people, we just grew in different directions. The friends that I have now are not co-dependent. There is a high level of autonomy that I think is the healthiest for people who are still growing into themselves and that is why I love, cherish, and put sooo much work into them now. I've never had anything like them before and never again will I go back. Recently I got into a mini..I don't even know what you would call it and one of them deleted me from facebook...was I ever mad, no. Was I taking that "argument"or whatever you would like to call it seriously? No, it was on facebook for pete's sake. Did I care when I found out that she deleted me..no. I haven't cared for a while now. It's not sad. It's true. Everything has it's place and time. Even it's season, is our season over? Yes, it's been over. Did I secretly hope that there would be no bad blood? Yes. I hoped it would fade into the sunset with fond memories, or pick up later in our lives, but what's done is done. I still have no ill will because I know that some things are only for a set time, you learn the lessons and move on, but..shit happens.

...and now I'm sleepy.

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