Am I really at that place where I feel like I need to give introductions to my posts? This is not a book, lol. Anyway, so as I always say that there's a little hypocrisy in everyone, and in this post mine is showing. By writing this post I'm doing exactly what I asked my grandmother to do, difference being I would NEVER want any of my readers to go to my grandmother and tell her about our situation in defense of me. Everything I've said here I've already said to her. I use my real life as examples. By writing this post I'm telling you how I feel, and if a situation arises, this is how I'm telling you I would like it to be handled, as opposed to what happened. This is a general post with a specific example...if that makes sense. I also want to say, I know when dealing with me my mom probably goes to her friends and ask how she should approach me, and that's fine, them coming to me after...is not (though they are my aunties and could do so, but that has never happened) but they would come to me about a general issue that conversation brought up (okay, rambling, but I hope you get the gist) NOW finally to the post!
I feel like I've been going through a litany of emotions, and I'm not an emotional person. I'm drained. Seriously, just drained. I literally don't have it to do.
My friend decided to reconcile the conflicts of his mind in heaven. The only place he could get real answers. I pray that he knows everything he needed to... RIP Jerius Jovon Gamble.
My grandmother decided to trivialize his death on the way home from his funeral. I understand her opinion is popular among the general culture, but that was my friend, a great person, and the world lost a good one. I decided to forgive this, seriously. I know the value of human relationships, and it wasn't bigger than my relationship with my grandmother, his death reminded me of this even more. But...
I received a phone call from my mother, hours after I called my grandmother to reconcile. She told me that she (my grandmother) was conversing with my great uncle(my grandmother's brother), and they decided that they would help my mother and I pay for Weight Watchers.... *blank stare*
Let me share my problems with this:
I'll even back in up with some scriptures #POW
- Couth. I used to say I can't wait until I'm older. They can say anything that they want, and no one has the right to say anything back, because they're elders. It made me jealous. No more. No matter who you are, what you say can hurt. If you love someone, you'll watch what you say and how you say it to them. The fact that my grandmother had an issue with my weight isn't inherently a problem, the fact that she talked about it to someone other than me, and did it incorrectly is a problem. If I said something like that to her, and said it like she said it. I would never hear the end of it. Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Luke 6:21 And as you wish others to do to you, do so to them.
- Come to Me, about Me. Honestly, if you're out of high school, you're too old to be talking behind someone's back. If it really matters, and you want them to understand, nothing does it better than a face to face tete tete. After they talked she still didn't call me, she called my mom, and let me explain something Twila explained to me, and anyone who asks: Stephane is an adult, she handles her own business. Don't come to her about anything I say or do. I'm responsible. She's not going to fight my battles, or handle my business. She raised me so I could do that. When I've heard you've been talking about me, even to my mom, expect a phone call from me calling you out. I think it's so hurtful, to hear something someone said from someone else. Matthew 18:15-17“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
- Respect my gangsta lol. I gave up all my gangster when I enrolled in higher education. But, what I'm trying to say is I'm grown. I run this show. I respect and love advice. I have my own issues, I'm not perfect, and there are things that I can work on. The reason why I love my besties is that they can check me, but they way in which they check me doesn't threaten my independence, at the heart of this is control, control of my life that can never be relinquished to anyone. Not my grandmother, not my friends, not my mother, not my future husband. I can't be everything you want me to be, do what you want when you want it. If you have a problem, tell it to Jesus, he's the only one who can fix it anyway. REAL TALK. James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
- Trust Yourself My grandparents were an integral part of raising me, that's for sure. She has to trust that she did enough right that I can go out into the world and make good decisions. I honestly can't have someone on top of my trying to control my every move. That's not gonna cut it. You should want me to be independent, since when was it okay to take care of grown folk (with right minds)? Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
- Don't Worry Ma At the heart of my grandmothers excuse was she's worried. That's foolish. I'm responsible for me. This is the time in her life when she should be enjoying loved ones. Not created things to worry about. It's honestly, not her concern.Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?