Call this post a year in review. I haven't been blogging because, well...law school. However. I got my complete life yesterday from Beyonce and I got so inspired I decided to take out the old MacBook Pro (I'm taking collections in my paypal for a new one) and get to writing. The format is lessons I've learned this year through Beyonce' quotes or lyrics because...Beyonce. Enough. Said.
"I fought for you the hardest, it made me the strongest. So tell me your secrets, I just can't stand to see you leaving, but Heaven couldn't wait for you. So go on, go home."
I miss my grandma. Even though we had our disagreements and these last couple of years have been the hardest in terms of growing pains and becoming who I am, I loved her. When someone calls and says they just wanted to hear your voice because they were having a bad day, and you can and did brighten up their day simply by talking with them, when you lose that, it's hard. She prayed for me, bragged on me, gave me advice, was hilarious. I still listen to her voicemails all the time. I didn't even realize how important she was in the dynamic of our family and I'm so sad that no one else who comes into my life from this point on will get to know her and have them feel like she made all of us feel. On the same note I know that it was her time, she was tired and continuing to watch her decline would've been worse than knowing she's watching over me, and she was the nosiest person ever, so I know she's watching. :)
"I remember young in some ways, I knew what I needed...look at me I'm a big girl now!"
"I wake up flawless. I post up flawless. I woke up like dis! I woke up like dis!"
Maybe I got it early, but baybee there's something about being next to/30 that is a whole different ball game as far as confidence goes. I am me. I couldn't care less. I'm weak, emotional, confident, an excellent speaker, a good editor and funny on a good day. I know who I am. I did not 2 years ago. I worried why people didn't want to spend time with me, why they forgot me. Now...who cares? My circle is flawless, F1. I've learned be alone sometimes and to enjoy what that time brings. I'm surrounded by people who genuinely love me and I have a full cup and they are getting my run over and loving it. I have learned to be fair to myself and to stop being nice. If I don't want to do something, I don't. There's no sense in being somewhere or with someone and not being present. They don't get anything and you don't get anything. One of the hardest things I think for women to learn is to stop being so selfless. Auntie Oprah said, "fill your cup, what runs over is for others" and that's the truth. How does it help anyone to walk around broken? Empty? Always at half a tank? It doesn't. So I stopped giving what I didn't yet have and I'm so much happier.
"Who Run the World? Girls!"
I gotta say, I have the BEST friends in the whole wide world, and I'm not just saying that. They're so amazing that I even get along with their friends and they become my good friends. I think that says something when you can meet your friends friends and it's like you've known them forever too. I love that. They're really good people. They're honest without being cruel. Supportive while not allowing themselves to be a crutch, and thoughtful. I've truly been blessed with having great friends. I don't know how one gathers friends like them, but I think I talked about friendships in another post and the same has been true of them this past year.