Emotionally Thugnificent

So my besties and I throw about this phrase "I am emotionaly thugnificent. A solider of love. A gangstress of courtship. I break my neck to keep my beaus in check, and oh, they sweat a sister majorly." The article is here...


http://thefreshxpress.com/2010/11/you-me-and-she/

I honestly tried to be this, but I just don't think I have it in me.

I'm going to be honest in this post and let the chips fall where they may.

I like someone. Genuinely. I wouldn't call it a crush either. Crushes are reserved for those hypothetical beings that you know are untouchable. You don't really want to be with those folks either. Actually being with them would ruin the mystique of "perfect" and would smash all your thoughts of how good they would be with the reality that they can not, and will never be all that you pictured in your head.

No, this is not that.

This is a guy, I've had conversations with, texted, and @'d on twitter. He's real. I know he's not perfect, but I want to know him anyway.

Does he want to know me though? Or maybe that's not the question, maybe he doesn't like me enough. I always thought, and feel like, if I want to get to know someone and I like them, no matter what is going on in my life, whether it be I'm busy, an ex,etc etc. I'm going to at least try and know more about this person to stay on the radar. I don't want them to know I don't need them, I don't want them to possibly be spending time with someone else. I don't want them to slip out of my grasp just because I wasn't there... I think that's the silliest reason to lose a possible friend, lover, or whatever the person may be. You never know until you get to know someone. I'm not talking about dates either, I'm just talking about TIME.

Anyway. So I guess I should have know when it took weeks for them to read my blog. It's my baby. But he said it was "dope" so I'm like okay, whatever.

Then more time passes... every time I see him it's always really flirtatious. He has a gorgeous smile and I'll admit it makes me pause, like few have. But I hate the senseless, without direction flirtation, it's such a waste. It would be okay if I didn't actually like him, but because I do it just makes me upset, to be honest.

The last time I saw him he said he would like to see me in person more, will this actually happen, probably not, but to be honest, I'm getting over it. Nothing makes me like him more or less, and there is no new information to add to, or take away from the bases. By the time he gets the memo, I'll be off it.

Le sigh.